Anger Management

Channel your anger in constructive ways to avoid its destructive potential. Seeking professional help through life coaching can help you to understand and manage your anger.

What is anger?

Anger is a normal emotion that we all feel at times. It manifests as feelings of irritation, displeasure, or hostility.


Anger can take on different forms; some people always feel angry, and some get fixated on an event. Others it may be explosive from suppressed anger, some get frustrated and either take it out on those around them or themselves. Everyone is different.

Why do I get angry?

You may feel angry for many valid reasons. Someone may have hurt you; or it could be a difficult situation you’re facing. Past experiences could also affect your emotions. You might be experiencing a feeling of powerlessness.

Everyone experiences anger for different reasons. A situation that upsets one person might not bother someone else. Just because you react with anger and someone else doesn’t, it doesn’t make you inherently wrong.

What causes anger?

Anger can be caused by:

  • Your childhood and upbringing
  • Current circumstances
  • Past experiences
  • Your health

It’s essential to understand your anger so that you can develop healthy ways to express your feelings.

When is anger a problem?

Anger becomes a problem when it’s expressed in harmful ways to yourself or others. It also becomes a problem when it interferes with your daily life and has negative consequences.

Some types of anger that are problematic can include:

Uncontrollable anger

Uncontrollable anger contributes to violent and risky behaviour, which can damage relationships with family members, friends and colleagues. It can cause isolation and loneliness and, in the aftermath, gives you a feeling of regret. For some, it can continue to build like a furnace inside, and you cannot escape from it.


Uncontrolled anger can negatively impact physical health and emotional well-being. For instance, it can increase your chances of:

  • developing heart problems
  • increased stress can cause symptoms like
    • insomnia,
    • digestive problems,
    • headaches etc.


These are a few ways I can help you confront your anger issues affecting your life and general well-being. Contact me if you need to talk to someone.

Physical or verbal aggression

Engaging in violence, threatening behaviour, or property damage is a clear sign of a problem. Expressing anger with harsh words, insults, or abuse can damage relationships and show underlying issues.

Angry or destructive behaviour can include:

  • Being physically violent by hitting or throwing things
  • Slamming doors
  • Shouting
  • Swearing
  • Threatening others or being verbally abusive

Passive-aggressiveness is where a person expresses their negative feelings indirectly. This can be through subtle non-verbal means. This behaviour can create confusion and tension in relationships because it’s hard to identify. Some examples of passive-aggressive behaviour can include:

  • Sarcasm or backhanded compliments with an underlying negative tone to express displeasure.
  • Deliberate procrastination to delay responsibilities to resist expectations without directly refusing them.
  • Silent treatment to refuse engagement in conversation.
  • Denying negative emotions or issues, pretending that everything is fine whilst acting in ways that suggest otherwise.
  • Constant complaining without actively seeking solutions.

Open and honest communication, setting clear boundaries and addressing underlying issues can help manage passive-aggression.

Internalised anger

Internalised anger is anger that is turned inwards on yourself. People who keep their anger inside can develop mental health problems and their overall well-being.

Characteristics of internalised anger can include:

  • Feeling guilty about feeling angry and believing that anger is wrong.
  • People who internalise anger may blame themselves for the source of anger even when external factors cause it.
  • Some individuals who internalise their anger may turn to substance abuse as a way of coping.
  • Internalised anger can be associated with feelings of sadness and depression.
  • Negative beliefs about yourself may lead to low self-esteem or inadequacy.

Internalised anger can have long-term effects on mental health and overall well-being. Addressing and managing it involves developing coping mechanisms and improving emotional regulation skills to express your anger healthily.

Suppressed Anger

Unlike internalised anger, often associated with self-blame, suppressed anger involves consciously or unconsciously holding back the outward expression of anger.

Suppressed anger in toddlers and children can be a ‘learned’ experience. Young children cannot regulate their anger; it is something they learn as they grow up. For example, the parent of a young child who punishes their child for expressing anger will create a child who suppresses their anger in fear of being told off.

This “learned” strategy can sometimes continue into adulthood if the child does not learn how to express anger constructively. The alternative is to encourage your child to express their anger.  Whether that means joining them by stamping their feet, it is essential never to shame them.

Avoid suggesting that anger is an emotion that is wrong. Highlight that while it’s acceptable to feel angry, it’s never good to express that anger through violence, physical or verbal. It is important to find coping strategies.

As a life coach, I can guide you through dealing with your anger or helping your child cope with anger.

Physical symptoms of anger


The effects of anger on the body can include:


  • An increased heart as your body prepares for action
  • High blood pressure feeling the blood pumping around your body
  • Muscle tension in the neck, shoulders, jaw or stomach
  • Overactive brain – all thoughts are negative
  • Inability to function outside of the situation
  • Difficulty sleeping, insomnia and lack of concentration
  • Loss of appetite and digestive issues
  • Destructive thoughts
  • Headaches, migraines

How can Anger Management Coaching help?

If you’re wondering how to get help for anger issues, Life Coaching can be an excellent alternative to therapy, counselling or anger management classes.

Learning to control anger is important.

In our sessions, I can help with:
  • Identifying patterns
  • Reframing thoughts
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Improving communication
  • Problem-solving

How to cope with anger for adults

Getting upset over nothing, annoyed with people or being angry at the world is harmful to your mental and physical health. Experiencing anger is natural, but here are some coping strategies for adults:

  • Identify patterns by keeping a journal
  • Use relaxation techniques to help calm the anger and reduce stress
  • Stop yourself from dwelling on the situation
  • Reframe your thoughts for a more positive outcome
  • Use logic by looking at the situation from different angles to balance your thoughts
  • Replace unhelpful thoughts with reasonable ones to help you gain more control over the situation
  • Don’t jump to conclusions in the moment. Give yourself a few minutes away from the situation before replying or lashing out.
  • Physical activity and exercise is a great way to reduce anger
  • Improve communication
  • Use humour constructively

    If you feel like you need to talk to someone, please contact me.

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